I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
