That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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