Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
