Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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