I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
