Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
