Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
