haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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