I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Panties = found
Randomize
