This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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