Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
