No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
