you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
