she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
