Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
