Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
