Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
