I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
