yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
