I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
