She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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