literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
