I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Having a random hookup so left but love u
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
