My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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