We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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