I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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