I puked a lego.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
