My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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