Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
