This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
false alarm. still invincible.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
