On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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