can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
