Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
