..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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