Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
