I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
