she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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