apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
