I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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