If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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