piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
