Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
