Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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