I wish my penis had an off switch
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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