in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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