turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Randomize
