Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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