Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
