3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
