I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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