Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
