mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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