K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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