I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
