So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
