some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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