you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
