Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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